Category Archives: Romance

Single? Focus on developing quality friendships, first.

I recently posted this, as a response to a topic on how to deal with chemical romance. So  many times, we get all caught up in the physical emotions of dating, and our brains go haywire. Endorphins, Oxytocin, and Dopamine all kick in to give us this chemical rush, and we are hooked. We lose all hope of any rationality, and fall head over heels in gushy, gooey love with someone. Here’s the problem. IF we have progressed to this point in our dating lives too quickly, we might not truly know the other person, and wind up getting hurt. Below is my dating story, and my advice to readers.

My husband knew my older sister for a year, before he met me. My sister considered him to be a good friend, but knew nothing would materialize for them, because she was 7 years older than John. She always said whenever anyone asked (and they did) that it would be like dating her little brother. What she didn’t tell them was that by the time she had known John for 6 months, she was pretty certain she had met her future brother in law. My sister knew me well enough to know that John and I would be good for each other. When we met, we quickly became close friends. So close, John was very hesitant to ask me out on a date. He told me, later, that as much as he wanted to date me to SEE if there was more to our relationship than friendship, the thought of losing me as a friend, if something went wrong was too excruciating a thought to bear, until he was pretty certain I was the one. Therefore, once we finally started dating, we knew each other so well, it only took 2 months for him to propose.

My advice to singles is don’t rush things, stop LOOKING, and let God bring the two of you together, focus on building quality friendships with both sexes, be an observer, go on tons of group activities, ask people you trust how well THEY know any person you wish to date, and simply play it smart.

John and I met through church…choir and Sunday School. We both went to the weekly Sunday evening singles “let’s go eat after church”, as well as a Friday night singles meal gathering for anyone not on a date that night. Once John and I started dating, we dated on Thursday nights, then John picked me up, and took me to the Friday night dinner with the singles department. I learned a bunch about John, as well as about the other guys in the singles group through those group activities. I also went to any singles game night or other activity.

I was always very cautious about dating, because I saw two women who I considered very smart, marry the wrong guy, and end up divorced. I saw another, who broke off her engagement only 2 weeks before her wedding. Neither of these women were flighty girls who were too giddy about marriage in general to lose their brains. When I realized that strong Christian women could get it wrong, It shook me to the core. I remember asking my Dad to promise me he would tell me to NOT marry the guy, if he saw red flags. To my surprise, my Dad said “No” He told me he would pray for me, voice his concerns to God, and to me, if he felt God was prompting, but that he knew me well enough to know I would use my head, not just the emotional feelings. Well, Dad passed away before I got engaged, but he was correct about me. In fact, I had prayed for God to keep the “goo” as I called it, at bay, until I knew I had found the correct guy. From the day I said “yes” until the day I said “I do”, I was a gooey mess. LOL

I’m still very much in love with my best friend.