Tag Archives: relationships

Heartaches

I missed writing last week. I had so much on my mind. So much, that I never found enough clarity to voice what I was feeling. Ever been there? Well…it’s no fun, especially when you have had to watch something happen from the sidelines, with no ability to alter what was happening. When it’s simply a movie, you have the comfort of knowing that it was not real life. It didn’t happen. You can shake it off, decide whether or not the suspense was worth the ticket price, and move on.

Not so when watching real life. I remember when I was young that my parents said it was not always “fun” to be right. I thought “Are you kidding? Uh huh!” I believe that all Christians are given one or more spiritual gifts. It’s biblical. Both of my parents had the gift of discernment, as well as some other gifts. It used to bug me to no end, when my mom said I needed to stop hanging around someone, because mom could see mannerisms and changes that meant that friend was headed into things that would not be good for me. Every time, yes, EVERY time, Mom was correct. I will be forever grateful for Mom’s discernment that kept me out of harm’s way.

As an adult, I’m finding I have my Mom’s discernment. Seeing what is about to happen if someone doesn’t change their path is always heartbreaking, especially when it proves true. This is the second time in 4 years that I was right about a situation, when I really wanted to be wrong. I now totally understand what my parents meant by “it’s not always fun to be right”. No, in fact, it can bring you to tears.

I am convinced that everyone on this planet needs to read 2 books by authors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. One book is called “Boundaries”. The other book is called “Safe People”. We need to learn how to properly set our own healthy boundaries, and then teach our children to do the same. We also need to know how to discern who is safe, who is not, and why. Yes, the “why” is important. Some people will never be safe. Others can fall into situations that mean they are not safe for a moment. Kids need to understand the definition of a “safe person”. It goes far, far further than not trusting strangers. Friends, even family can be unsafe. A parent can even be unsafe. It is so much easier to learn about boundaries, how to deal with unsafe people, and how to cultivate safe relationships before there is a problem, than to try to put a shattered life back together.

God cautioned us about pride. When someone has so much pride that they refuse to seek help from others, then they are destined to fall. When they don’t learn from their mistakes, they will continue to fall, and fall again. The problem is that many times, innocent children are taken with them. Our bad behaviors ALWAYS affect someone else. We may not notice, but it does. Always!!!

I encourage you to pray for today’s youth. They are being told that being moral is old fashioned, and pressured into sex, alcohol, and drugs. When I was in school, smoking was the big problem. Yes, the other stuff existed, but not like today. The drugs today are much more lethal, also. Whether or not you are a parent, I ask you to get on your knees for the kids of today. If you are a parent, communication is key to their protection. Many kids live in horrid home environments, also. Their stress levels are astronomically high. Many of these kids try to rise above their home life, but especially if they don’t have a support system, or if it’s not local to them, they don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with many things thrown their direction. Again…please pray for the kids of our country.

I personally know some of these kids for whom I’m asking you to pray. My heart is breaking. Thank you.

Prayer Requests

This week has been busy. Sunday was Easter, Monday was my husband’s birthday, Wednesday, a young person close to my heart was hospitalized for Depression, and Thursday, 2 family members had surgeries…if my facts are correct. I have also been Spring Cleaning. Yep! busy week. In my book, all of these are reasons for prayer. We pray thankfulness for Easter, birthdays, and successful surgeries. We pray for God’s guidance to  repair health, both physical and mental, and to guide hands during surgeries. Not a week goes by, that someone I know is not in need of prayers. In my opinion, the strongest people are the ones who KNOW this power, and ask for those prayers.

Are you someone who believes in the power of prayer? Do you ask for others to intercede for you or your loved ones? Do you offer up prayers for others when asked? Whether or not you like them, do you pray for our Nation’s leaders? I was taught that a family that prays together, stays together. Well…that includes more than the members living under your roof. No matter how old I get, my siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, their families, as well as my friends are ALL family in my eyes.

I have also been taught to pray for my enemies, as it frustrates them, and God can use it for His glory. Are you praying for your enemies? I have to admit, that I’m guilty of not always doing this. I most certainly don’t WANT to pray for someone, when they strike out against me. I’m human. I don’t always want to put on a “nice” face. What if Jesus only prayed for, and helped people he “liked”? We would be in big trouble!!!

There was a time in my life that I actually made and kept updated a daily/weekly prayer list. Some items I would pray for daily, and others on a weekly basis. That way, each day, I had an organized prayer time. Items and people rolled on and off those lists, based on the known needs and concerns of my friends and family. Whenever I knew of an answered prayer, I would notate that on my list, and give thanks for the answered prayer for a few days, before removing the item from my lists. I have to admit that’s it’s been a while since I made those lists. At first, I just became really good at remembering everyone and everything…it became routine. Later, again, I have to admit, that “life” started getting in the way, making it easier to forget. I challenge anyone reading this to make those lists. Make a weekly list of things that ALWAYS need to be on your prayer list. Divide it up into 6 Days. Why 6 days instead of 7? I think Sundays should be totally about praising God, worship, and repentance, not about everyday life. That’s just me. Monday through Saturday for my weekly, ongoing prayers. The exception to that, of course, are the prayers, lifting up others and their needs. Pray for a portion of those items each day…For example…Mondays you pray for your Nation, Tuesdays for your State, etc. Also make a list of any known prayer request from family and friends. Pray for those as needed, making sure to pray a few days for thanks after those needs are answered. Don’t forget to add family to those lists, daily or weekly, as well as a list for things of which you are thankful. I challenge you, as I challenge myself to get back into this.

Don’t mis-understand. I DO pray. When I tell someone I’m praying for them, I DO. I just haven’t kept up with the lists in a while, which means more often than not, I’m not thanking God for His provisions and answers to those prayers. While I’m trying to organize my house, I decided it’s time to get my prayer life “organized” again. Spring cleaning takes time…in our houses, as well as in our spiritual lives, so TAKE the time that’s needed. Baby steps.  ANY improvement is forward motion, and good. We all need some “sprucing up” from time to time. I believe God appreciates it, also. Why not celebrate the gift of Eternal life God gave us through the events of Easter by cleaning our lives up, even if just a bit, for Him?  It’s a great way to thank Him for His gift to us, and we will feel better in the process.

Single? Focus on developing quality friendships, first.

I recently posted this, as a response to a topic on how to deal with chemical romance. So  many times, we get all caught up in the physical emotions of dating, and our brains go haywire. Endorphins, Oxytocin, and Dopamine all kick in to give us this chemical rush, and we are hooked. We lose all hope of any rationality, and fall head over heels in gushy, gooey love with someone. Here’s the problem. IF we have progressed to this point in our dating lives too quickly, we might not truly know the other person, and wind up getting hurt. Below is my dating story, and my advice to readers.

My husband knew my older sister for a year, before he met me. My sister considered him to be a good friend, but knew nothing would materialize for them, because she was 7 years older than John. She always said whenever anyone asked (and they did) that it would be like dating her little brother. What she didn’t tell them was that by the time she had known John for 6 months, she was pretty certain she had met her future brother in law. My sister knew me well enough to know that John and I would be good for each other. When we met, we quickly became close friends. So close, John was very hesitant to ask me out on a date. He told me, later, that as much as he wanted to date me to SEE if there was more to our relationship than friendship, the thought of losing me as a friend, if something went wrong was too excruciating a thought to bear, until he was pretty certain I was the one. Therefore, once we finally started dating, we knew each other so well, it only took 2 months for him to propose.

My advice to singles is don’t rush things, stop LOOKING, and let God bring the two of you together, focus on building quality friendships with both sexes, be an observer, go on tons of group activities, ask people you trust how well THEY know any person you wish to date, and simply play it smart.

John and I met through church…choir and Sunday School. We both went to the weekly Sunday evening singles “let’s go eat after church”, as well as a Friday night singles meal gathering for anyone not on a date that night. Once John and I started dating, we dated on Thursday nights, then John picked me up, and took me to the Friday night dinner with the singles department. I learned a bunch about John, as well as about the other guys in the singles group through those group activities. I also went to any singles game night or other activity.

I was always very cautious about dating, because I saw two women who I considered very smart, marry the wrong guy, and end up divorced. I saw another, who broke off her engagement only 2 weeks before her wedding. Neither of these women were flighty girls who were too giddy about marriage in general to lose their brains. When I realized that strong Christian women could get it wrong, It shook me to the core. I remember asking my Dad to promise me he would tell me to NOT marry the guy, if he saw red flags. To my surprise, my Dad said “No” He told me he would pray for me, voice his concerns to God, and to me, if he felt God was prompting, but that he knew me well enough to know I would use my head, not just the emotional feelings. Well, Dad passed away before I got engaged, but he was correct about me. In fact, I had prayed for God to keep the “goo” as I called it, at bay, until I knew I had found the correct guy. From the day I said “yes” until the day I said “I do”, I was a gooey mess. LOL

I’m still very much in love with my best friend.